i’ve died on smaller hills, so i can’t judge. but i do think it’s funny whenever posts about the proper definition of a poor little meow meow circulate, considering none of them mention that the origin was a kpop fan’s absolutely bonkers tweet about not being able to protect a full grown man who was getting backlash for including audio from the jonestown cult leader jim jones in one of his songs
We know that Facebook is brainscorching your parents and tiktok is brainscorching your cousins, but some of you refuse to admit that you got your brain scorched here. However unlike those sites there isn’t an algorithm here you just make bad choices.
That’s all we ever wanted. To arrive at Hell as a result of our own dubious navigation skills instead of as the result of Satan owning all the road sign companies.
while desperately trying to finish my essay on ecological futurism during a study session, i read in one book that research indicates that spinach can be used as a lithium substitute in batteries. upon sharing this with my study group, my equally academically exhausted and equally strange best friend asked a question that would shape the next three years and counting of our lives: “if spinach is the future of energy, why the fuck are we in college and not spinach farmers?”
this set in motion a frantic and procrastinating research on everything from spinach cultivation to farm lot prices, and in only a few hours the plan b of farming unfertilized spinach for battery production was cemented. the next day, when asked by our baffled friends why the fuck we were so obsessed with spinach all of a sudden i, with the unhinged hysteric energy that only severe sleep-deprivation mixed with energy drinks and the pressure of a deadline can bring, decided to summarize the previous evening with: “spinach is our beacon of hope.” things escalated from there.
i have an entire wall in my apartment filled with art about spinach. there is a spinach mixtape, spinach clothing designs, and a spinach manifesto. for my last birthday, three people independently gifted me spinach seeds. me and the spinage (age of spinach) group meet every second monday to brainstorm new ways to spread the gospel. i spent three hours last night compiling satellite data images of the production site of a german spinach distributor and our enemy #1 (long story) to figure out their harvesting patterns. my real boss at work has asked about “my spinach thing” and i didn’t even know where to begin explaining the motivational spinach poster i had put up in my office.
you know, i’m not even sure it is a joke anymore. apart from commiting to the bit with your friends being a joyful activity, spending my free time researching spinach and creating art about it genuinely makes me feel like there is a brighter future and helps relieve my anxiety about failure. should i get fired from my job, my life doesn’t end - my life as a spinach farmer begins. by claiming spinach to be a beacon of hope, i spoke it into existence. the future is now, and it’s leafy green and rich in nutrients. spinach forever
If you really believed all of that, you wouldn’t be working in an office.
you severely underestimate my big picture aspirations. i work in an office, specifically my office, exactly because i believe in all of this. no place closer to technological advancement than a space agency. my boss pays me real money to talk to people about space technology applications in agriculture. and given my extensive connections to the robotics department aided by polish chocolate based bribery, i have my finger in the pulse eco-battery-wise. how the fuck did you think i have access to extensive satellite data images of my enemies? never underestimate me again
Massive L to our ancestors for not domesticating the Bear for the ultimate friend
i sympathize with the post on the one hand but also ‘man we shoulda domesticated bears’ has the same energy as a divorced dad being like ‘i should have married that girl from high school’ when the girl in question was never ever interested and also turned out to be a lesbian frontwoman for an obscure but respected ska revival band
*cartoon german boy i brought clubbing comes up to me with his hair tousled and lipstick marks all over his face* ve ahre pohpping pussy like pjimples und pjopcorn! *gets pulled back into the crowd* mein leben!
